Kelly Slater hasn’t won a world tour event
since the Pipe Masters in December 2013, which by his standards is
roughly equivalent to a reasonably attractive, socially active, fit and
healthy man or woman not getting laid for eighteen years. This season
hasn’t started all that greatly for him either, after he stalled at
second base with 13th and 9th place finishes at Snapper and Bells
respectively. But things are looking good for him and Margaret, and if
he keeps pulling out moves like these she will struggle to resist: Kelly
might just be about to shag her senseless. Contrary to what some people
would have you believe, his performance yesterday did not constitute a
radical improvement in form — he was responsible for some of the best surfing
at Bells — but it did constitute Kelly Slater at his most ominous.
Anyone who even toys with the notion that he’s no longer one of the best
few surfers on the planet is a fool and a cretin.
